As you may notice, there is a ‘part’ of me speaking directly to other ‘parts’ of me. It was important that the part asking the questions wasn’t simply another part or thought pattern based in feeling bad about myself or limited in any way. The aspect of me that does the ‘noticing’ and asking questions is what I call my wise woman. Someone recently asked me to say more about that. My ‘wise woman’ is this place of expansive and unconditioned love/kindness. It is without judgement or attachment to opinions. It simply shows up with these wide open arms and says “I am here to listen and hold space for you’. (This quality is clearly the ‘medicine’ that works for me and I imagine each persons ‘wise part’ would offer what that individual uniquely needed……but I would dare suppose that unconditioned love is something that is healing for all persons…not just me)
So this expansive presence simultaneously exists along with the self deprecating, scared and small feeling parts.
The moment I can notice when the ‘lesser than’ parts are ‘in the house’ so to speak and affecting things……I need to pause. The pause is critical in this work because it helps me differentiate these ‘limited’ parts from my more expansive wise presence. When I can notice this and realize it is not all the same amorphous mass, I can then begin the direct conversation. From here I can learn and shape my relationships with these thought patterns or conditioned parts.
The more I have gotten to know these parts, the more they ‘heal’ and then simply integrate within the overall system of ‘me’. There is no intention to ‘get rid’ of some part of me. I find that when I give them attention, listen and don’t simply ignore them…..they stop ‘acting out’ the way they once did.
I love using the analogy of driving the car. I might ask myself ‘who’s driving the car’. Ideally it works best when my wise woman is driving (in ‘control’) but there are times some other part gets behind the wheel. (When I notice a disgruntled or insecure part has gotten in the drivers seat ……it is usually my wise woman noticing the shift.) She can then simply ride shotgun as opposed to demanding the car back. She can cruise around with them and simply make small talk, turn on the radio, comment on scenery etc. At some point she might say something like “I enjoy driving so if you get tired let me know”. Eventually trust is established and the part driving willingly hands over the keys. In the end, the wise part doesn’t kick this challenged part out of the car, she asks the part to go for a drive with her. They have a relationship rooted in trust and caring so it is far less adversarial.
All in all, this process is one of curiosity and creativity. I am always improvising…..no book or person could have fully prepared me for the scenarios I have encountered. I have had to be willing to step out of pre-conceived methods and ideas. It is like raising children…..where they are always surprising you. So I open myself to the mystery and stay on my toes with love and kindness.
Okay, if I was to break it down into steps……
1. Notice when you shift from ‘wise expansive’ part into parts having ‘limiting’ thoughts or emotions.
2. Pause or interrupt it from continuing as usual.
3. Choose to differentiate by speaking directly to the thought or emotion.
4. Be curious, kind and respectful when speaking to this part of yourself.
5. Ask it questions to establish trust and get to know more about it.
6. Let your intention be to develop a relationship which brings natural integration as opposed to ‘getting rid of it’.
Try these steps with thoughts or parts that are not too intense for you. This will help you experiment and explore. You will truly map your own path in this unique expression called ‘you’. And don’t forget to trust your intuition in the process……it is a great guide.
Enjoy the blessing and the challenge.
Thanks for reading…….Jacqueline